Things I Hate About My BMW 535i

"RightFootDown" (rightfootdown)
05/28/2015 at 11:02 • Filed to: None

My 2008 BMW 535i is gone now so I figured I’d take a few moments to recap everything I disliked about that car. Spoiler: There weren’t many so I’m gonna be grasping a bit. Original article here, if you prefer:

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Let’s start with the transmission. The transmission wasn’t unique to BMW, in fact the ZF 6HP26 was used in a range of vehicles including Bentley, Ford, Jaguar, Maserati, and Range Rover. If you opt for the 535i, what you want is the flappy paddles on the steering wheel. Trust me on this one. Paddle shifters were a factory option included only on cars with the optional Sport Automatic Transmission (or SAT). This bought three things. First, SAT optioned cars received was a completely different and more high-end looking shifter hardware. Rather than a bare metal stalk, the shifter had a nice leather boot and the knob itself was shorter, stubbier, and just appeared to be made of higher quality. Next, the SAT option included paddle shifters on the steering wheel and to tie it all together the transmission had entirely different software that improved upshifts, downshifts, rev matched and shifted quicker. If you enjoyed SMG or DCT then this was the ticket. It would be the best $500 option ever spent.

My car didn’t have the SAT option. Instead, I retrofitted the shifter hardware for about $500 of parts through !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and found a guy on the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! forums to update my transmission software remotely. To complete the upgrade I’d need to source a steering wheel with the paddle shifters. Those seemed to go for upward of $700 so I never pulled the trigger on that. The software did make a noticeable improvement however I rarely got to enjoy it as my car primarily sat in traffic.

Included with the SAT shifter hardware, though not required to get the functionality, was a Sport button. When illuminated, the steering would tighten up. Almost too much. I found the steering at low speeds to be a fucking chore but once you’re over 25 MPH it was a nice improvement. On the backroads it was great.

It didn’t matter how good the steering feel was if the suspension bits underneath were showing age. I never had a chance to drive a well-kept low milage example for comparison so I couldn’t be too sure if this was just how the E60 drove. What I could tell you is that every new slab of concrete on Interstate 66 was met with a harsh jolt that shot directly up through the steering wheel and to my elbows. I wasn’t quite sure if it was the tires, dampers or bushings that were the culprit. Visual inspections indicated the bushings and dampers were still good. The run flat tires exacerbated the behavior. If I had intended on keeping this car long term then I would have started with a set of Bilstein dampers and then moved on to individual bushings.

Aesthetically speaking, I hated the non M Sport front bumper. Finding a good angle that included the front license plate was, well, there was no good angle. The only way I would have liked this front bumper was if I was ripping it off to replace with the M Sport. Not my fault. This car did not pass my own Look Back Test and I knew it when I bought it. Was it uglier than !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ? Yeah, I think so.

We couldn’t knock on an E60 BMW if we didn’t mention iDrive. My first experience with iDrive was the CCC version. DVD based, first generation poop. It took a day or two to become acclimated to the system and in short time I was enjoying it. Then I experienced the newer version, CIC, and NBT, and hated it. I wanted to upgrade but that was no easy, not cheap, project. To make matters worse, the maps DVD was constantly becoming unreadable. Not that I relied on the built-in navigation anyway, but it annoyed me to see the error message on the screen every time I took a drive.

The other interior item on my list is the park distance control. Another optional feature. There were sensors on the front and rear bumpers that measured distance to objects. Rather than simply using cameras, BMW decided on this. It worked well but became very annoying very quick. Every time the transmission was placed into Reverse, the sensors activated. Every time. Each morning I was greeted to loud and rapid beeping when I backed out of my garage. The PDC could be disabled, but that required pushing another button. Would have been nice if the PDC could have been disabled entirely through the iDrive system.

Engine wise, the N54 twin-turbo inline six was a powerhouse. Just a few weeks after I bought the 535i I installed the Burger Motorsports JB4 and pumped up the boost. The car pulled so ridiculously hard on the highway with just the JB4 that I was completely satisfied. So much, that I never bothered to run the BMS DCI intakes. Unfortunately an exhaust leak developed about two months after the JB4 was installed. We traced the exhaust leak up to the manifold area. I hadn’t heard of N54 exhaust manifolds cracking and being that the car had just over 76k miles on it, I figured this would be a very costly repair. We also discovered another oil leak while the car was up on the lift. It was at this point I started weighing out in my head how much I actually enjoyed this car. If I took it to a repair shop for the exhaust leak there would undoubtedly be many other bits and pieces that would also need to be replaced in order to button it all back together properly. What if the turbos themselves were toast? That’s $2k easily.

Nope, I don’t like the car that much! So I put the factory wheels back on and !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . That 535i is somebody else’s problem now!

//Follow Josh on Twitter !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

DISCUSSION (46)

TheHondaBro > RightFootDown
05/28/2015 at 11:06

But I’m pretty sure there are ten reasons why it’s better than an M5. If only there were a post about just that...

ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback > RightFootDown
05/28/2015 at 11:11

Those turbos have an 8 year warranty on them and the High Pressure Fuel Pump a 10 yr warranty. Too bad you let it go. I love mine and hope to maintain it as long as I possibly can. I can also attest to the JB4 just being awesome!

Party-vi > TheHondaBro
05/28/2015 at 11:13

Kinja'd!!!

RightFootDown > TheHondaBro
05/28/2015 at 11:14

I’ve heard rumors of such a post.

Party-vi > RightFootDown
05/28/2015 at 11:15

FYI at Russell BMW of Catonsville you can drop off your car for a free dealer inspection with a loaner (like, $15 for a day). They’ll present you with a report at pick-up and you can discuss any repairs or service at that point in time. I’ve done this a few times to sort out issues on the E46. I’m not sure if this is a normal BMW practice or just a Russell practice, but they’ve been nothing but professional when I’ve been there.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > RightFootDown
05/28/2015 at 11:16

So is the general lesson here not to own any turbocharged BMW from the past decade? Because manifolds cracking, fuel pumps, failing turbos, other expensive things, not being friendly with tunes and so on? I can totally do that. :p

On a side note, I’m pissed paddles weren’t simply standard across the board on BMWs; even now they aren’t.

RightFootDown > Party-vi
05/28/2015 at 11:19

That’s not a bad deal, right there.

BugEyedBimmer - back in the Saddle Dakota Leather > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
05/28/2015 at 11:20

Why would they have paddle shifters? Its not like they call themselves the “ultimate driving machine” or something...

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > BugEyedBimmer - back in the Saddle Dakota Leather
05/28/2015 at 11:22

Kinja'd!!!

It’s not like they’re trying to sell manuals amirite?

RightFootDown > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
05/28/2015 at 11:27

Accessing the exhaust side, or anything near the turbos on the 5 series is much more difficult than on a 3 series due to confines of space. Installing downpipes, for example, I’ve heard to be a 8+ hour job on the 535i whereas it is typically 2-3 on the 135i and 335i. Source: N54tech.com forums, dealer quotes for turbo inspections.

Now, I’m no mathematician, but if it takes that long to remove the freaking downpipes then how long would it take to replace, say, an exhaust manifold gasket if that’s the case. And while they’re in there, what other parts would need to be replaced to button it all back up? This could easily be a $3k bill and I could still be with my original turbos.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > RightFootDown
05/28/2015 at 11:31

I don’t even wanna imagine the excessive repair bills for these cars long term. How is it even possible for the 535i to take longer than the 335i, they use the exact same engine no? Might as well be considered exotics.

I’ve heard the 335i is already unreliable in stock for anyways, at least the early ones are from the E9x generation. God, how could BMW make cars so unreliable after the lease is up?

Party-vi > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
05/28/2015 at 11:32

Manifolds crack. It happens on a lot of vehicles (looking at you, XJ Cherokees). Fuel pumps were a teething issue for the new turbo engines, and I haven’t heard of any turbos failing, but the turbo hot-vee V8 engines are an issue since the valve stem seals and intakes are failing because of the hot engine valley temperatures.

Tom McParland > RightFootDown
05/28/2015 at 11:35

Kinja'd!!!

Oh man...those wheels are the sex

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Party-vi
05/28/2015 at 11:42

Of the many times I’ve ventured to bimmerpost(to test my sanity), I’ve always seen some reference to fuel pump failures; as many times as I see SMG posts haha.

The engine valley is the space between the heads yes? Why exactly are we putting turbos there nowadays aside from compact spacing?

Party-vi > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
05/28/2015 at 11:49

Kinja'd!!!

A hot valley lets you run exhaust in the vee of the engine, decreasing exhaust length and turbo plumbing. Plus you can install the turbocharger closer to the heads. Plus packaging is more efficient if you can believe it.

nermal > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
05/28/2015 at 12:03

No, the general lesson is that you lease a modern turbo BMW. Rinse & repeat every three years for maximum motoring pleasure.

nermal > RightFootDown
05/28/2015 at 12:04

How’s the 328 working out? I assume there will be a detailed report forthcoming?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Party-vi
05/28/2015 at 12:07

Packaging and plumbing reduction, I can believe that. But it looks more complicated than this:

Kinja'd!!!

What are the benefits of installing the turbos closer to the heads? Reduction in turbo lag?

Hiroku > Party-vi
05/28/2015 at 12:12

Plus it enables you to use two twin-scroll turbine housings, which wouldn’t otherwise be possible on a typical crossplane V8.

Party-vi > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
05/28/2015 at 12:17

Well yeah, way more complicated than that, but you need to fit that ^ into a production vehicle with safety requirements and mass production requirements.

Benefits include packaging (again), decreased weight (plastic intake weigh less than metal exhaust manifolds), plus with the turbos closer to the heads you can decrease lag to almost nothing, and with the exhaust ports sitting across from each other BMW has a cross-flow exhaust manifold that allows for an exhaust pulse to hit the turbos every 90 degrees of engine rotation.

computiNATEor > Tom McParland
05/28/2015 at 13:00

Mmm... What are they? Do they make them for the e39?

RightFootDown > nermal
05/28/2015 at 13:39

I’ll tell you when I get it out of the shop! LOL :(

RightFootDown > computiNATEor
05/28/2015 at 13:41

Apex ARC-8’s, 18x9.5 et22 and they’re for sale since they won’t fit my F30. You may want to check if they’ll fit the E39 as I recall the hub bore being different.

nermal > RightFootDown
05/28/2015 at 13:41

Are you modding it, or is it broken?

computiNATEor > RightFootDown
05/28/2015 at 13:46

Precisely right. :’( We have a larger diameter. 74.1mm vs 72.56mm. These wheels are almost worth 4 wheel bearings, though...

RightFootDown > nermal
05/28/2015 at 13:58

It’s in the shop for a dumb reason. These cars have an auto-off feature that shuts down the engine when you stop to conserve fuel. It can be as annoying as it sounds and yes, there is a button to disable it. The problem mine had was that the engine would not always restart automatically when releasing the clutch pedal. I could have simply disabled the feature and been on my way but being that the car is CPO’d, I want it fixed. Hope to have it back today. Been in a loaner car since last Thursday.

BugEyedBimmer - back in the Saddle Dakota Leather > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
05/28/2015 at 16:27

When they only make like 100 a year, I’m guessing not lol

AM3R shamefully returns > RightFootDown
05/28/2015 at 16:45

How much? I’m in the NoVa area and could use some wheels for my E90 if I can’t find a good set of 219m’s.

RightFootDown > AM3R shamefully returns
05/28/2015 at 16:54

They’re on craigslist for $1600... but I’ll knock off $100 for you. These things are way lighter than any factory wheel too, plus these Dunlop tires are no joke. They’re not Michelin PSSs, but damn good.

AM3R shamefully returns > RightFootDown
05/28/2015 at 17:11

Cool, I’ll look out for them. I’m going to take a look at some 219m’s tomorrow after I leave the office. Also, your wheels would sell super quick on the DC area section of e90post or really any other BMW forum. ARC-8’s are really in demand, and you have a great size.

I'm digging the color too, would look sweet with my sparkling graphite. Only thing I'm worried about is clearance up front for me.

fritzo > RightFootDown
05/30/2015 at 21:11

Funny how strange cracks and mechanical issues seem to be prone with people that mod their cars...

Mike Kopstain > RightFootDown
05/31/2015 at 00:43

You weren’t missing anything with the paddle shifters. They worked but it wasn’t right upshift, left downshift. It was push either paddle forward for a downshift and pull back for an upshift. That and they spun with the wheel which was annoying. They fixed it on the F10 5 series (and in the process botched everything else).

Also, I wrote that article about why the 535 is the bestest car in the whole entirety of the world. The 10% of people that give me shit for it REALLY give me shit. No regrets!

BKRM3 > AM3R shamefully returns
05/31/2015 at 07:52

What’s a set of 219M wheels going for these days? I have a set with pirelli winter tires that I no longer really need bc I have 220s for summer and ARC8s for track.... Been thinking about selling the 219s as the car no longer gets used in the winter.

BJ > Party-vi
05/31/2015 at 09:55

One diasadvantage is heat - cooling becomes complicated & critical. Wasn’t there an oppo or Jalopnik article recently about new BMWs with a hot V that were eating batteries like bonbons due to the extra cooling time on the electric fans?

BJ > Party-vi
05/31/2015 at 10:00

Road & Track Enginerdy: http://www.roadandtrack.com/car-culture/bu…

pdish > RightFootDown
05/31/2015 at 11:02

It is a bit comical to me that space concerns in the 5-series make working on the engine HARDER than a 3-series. BMW logic right there.

AM3R shamefully returns > BKRM3
05/31/2015 at 13:15

Well with tires they’re usually go for around $1200 in very good condition (I’ll admit, I’m a few months out of the loop so prices may have changed). Better tires/condition wheels go for more, and I’ve seen a few sets without tires going for like $600 (sold super quick) to around $800 (what most hover at).

Where are you located? And would you be willing to sell w/o tires?

Enoch > Party-vi
05/31/2015 at 15:41

Wow. That’s definitely not standard procedure and seems like a great service of that particular BMW dealer. Most luxury dealers will charge you at a minimum $150, usually with no loaner (although there are exceptions), to figure out what is wrong with your car.

Anodynic > RightFootDown
05/31/2015 at 16:48

I have a 2008 535i sport package and agree that there are some annoyances. Purchased in 2009 and long paid off, it’s worth maybe $10k today and I’m just having trouble coming up with something affordable to replace it with that checks all the boxes. If I don’t buy a pickup for practical reasons I will probably go back to Audi. I just don’t want to go back to a big payment for something slower before similar upgrades to what I already have - large IC and tune.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > RightFootDown
05/31/2015 at 18:19

What an absurd feature for a car that isn’t an actual hybrid

icyhot > Party-vi
05/31/2015 at 20:15

That’s an amazing deal. Almost everywhere will charge a $150 diagnostic fee for any issues you bring up. The good thing is they put it towards the repair, unlike Indys that charge a flat diag fee. The only time they will diagnose for free is if they find something on the multipoint inspection.

BKRM3 > AM3R shamefully returns
06/01/2015 at 11:18

Thanks for the info. I’m in the Philly burbs. I think I’d prefer to sell them with the tires & TPMS so I didn’t have to deal with separating all that crap. Of course, I should probably clean them up and assess the condition before I do anything else. I know I’ve never damaged them but not sure whether they had any rash from the previous owner. I’ve honestly never looked closely at them - they came with my car and I think they’ve spent a grand total of 4 or 5 months on the car since I’ve owned it.

AM3R shamefully returns > BKRM3
06/01/2015 at 13:42

Depending on the tire tread you should be able to clean them up pretty well and sell for at least $1200. Winter tires on 219m’s are always a popular choice, so it may be a good idea to hold off until fall to sell. Maybe I’d be able to run them on my non M E90, but that all depends on the tire size. Stock M3 fitment is a little too tall.

BKRM3 > AM3R shamefully returns
06/01/2015 at 15:55

I think they’re 245/40/18 front and 265/40/18 rear. One of the rear tires is garbage but the other 3 are like new. They’re Pirelli Sottozeros, which I never really liked lol. I think they’re made for Italian winters! I have no idea why one rear is different, it was crappy when I got the set. Maybe the previous owner had a need to replace one of the rears but not the other (like maybe he had a puncture)... I’m not in any rush to get rid of them but would give you a deal on the set if you think they fit your car. I could use the cash toward the race car and it’s a little absurd that I have 12 wheels for my M3 that I barely drive anymore. If you want, shoot me an email: bkr6776@yahoo.com

AM3R shamefully returns > BKRM3
06/01/2015 at 19:47

Thanks, appreciate the offer. I’ll definitely shoot you an email when I get the chance, on my phone right now (terrible office wifi). I’m down in the DC area, but a good enough deal could bring me up to philly.. And those cheesesteaks! Helping “fund” fellow oppo member’s race car build is worth a road trip haha, I’ll do some reading to see if they’ll fit.

Not a big fan of those tires myself as well, used my buddies Z4M coupe with them for a few weeks last winter, honestly felt better with my Conti DWS all seasons.... In their defense, he used them in a late fall VIR run so they weren't 100%.

ThirdPedal > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
06/03/2015 at 09:08

The forums are absolutely awesome, but they give a false sense of impending doom because there’s a lot more problem posts than “nothing to report here” updates. Michael Karesh has some great articles on here about topics such as the Porsche 996 IMS bearing failure rate, which hard data estimates at anywhere from 1 to a few % despite it being THE THING the car is known for (sorry if this is stuff you already know based on your username).

The early N series fuel pumps were bad enough that BMW issued a recall, which is rare for them even when they have lots of pissed off owners. It seems the later iterations have been much better.

On the other hand, if you own BMWs long enough, you will see a very nice cross-section of the forum “greatest hits”. Ask me how I know...

Alas, I imagine it’s much the same for any car with decent character. At least that’s what I tell myself as my tears fall on the garage floor each month.